One Little Word :: being put to the test

With the recent snowstorm and today's warm weather, the snowmelt was pretty drastic and quick. I was getting nervous about it, and my concern was exasperated when I discovered parts of the side yard were flooded. I knew it could lead to flooding in our basement, which was an issue we had in the fall (we had only moved into the house two months prior).

The anxiety caused by that leak last time really put me in a bad place for a good month, month and a half. It led to all kinds of other uncertainty and negative thoughts and I was sad a lot. All that emotional turmoil was caused by something that wasn't, in the grand scheme of things, a life-altering incident. Was it a nuisance and stressful? Hell yes. But it's a problem that's solvable (albeit with a good chunk of change). Yet, I let it get the better of me and I was consumed with worry and negativity. It really wore me out.

Part of the reason I decided to take part in One Little Word was to help train myself not to go through a similar experience. I think about my word [today] a lot, even though I haven't really worked on the monthly assignments very much. And, here we are, facing another wet basement and I'm trying to talk myself through it in a manageable, realistic way.

• What can I do today to help solve this problem? Take action to dry the basement, come up with a plan to solve the problem long-term, and talk to people about what I'm feeling instead of bottling it up inside.
• Was today stressful and did I worry? Yes, but I was able to talk to my husband and my mom about an action plan. They reassured me it was going to be OK, and I know it will be.

There will be bumps in the road, I can already tell. (I'm not 100% calm right now.) But being cognizant of my thoughts and how I plan to manage my anxiety is going to help me get through this better than I did in the fall. I'm going to take it one day at a time, in chunks that I can deal with, and I have to think about only the things that are in my control.

My word is going to help me.

One Little Word :: January

My word :: T O D A Y

Definition :: 1. adv. on this present day; nowadays, in modern times. 2. n. this present day; modern times.

Thesaurus :: n. this day, the present, our time, this moment ... not yesterday, not tomorrow

I chose this word because :: I'm easily overwhelmed, which leads me to give up easily. This year, although I have lofty goals for myself, I'm hoping that breaking tasks down and taking baby steps will help me accomplish more. Dealing with things one day at a time is manageable, and I believe that focusing my energies (mental, physical, emotional, creative) on incremental change will be beneficial in the long run.

Quote :: "There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called yesterday and the other is called tomorrow, so today is the right day to love, believe, do and mostly live." -- His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama

In what way is this word already a part of my life? Every morning when I wake up the first thing I think is, "What am I going to do today? What's going to happen today? How do I feel about today?" And before I go to bed, there's at a least a moment when I reflect on how today was, whether it was the kind of day that will be motivation for another great day, or whether it's a day to put behind me so I can start over the next morning.

More // Less
More moving forward // Less looking backward
More positive thinking // Less negative thinking
More listening // Less formulating responses
More kindness // Less snarkiness
More patience // Less yelling
More enjoying // Less worrying
More creating // Less hoarding supplies
More reading // Less interneting
More moving // Less lounging
More thanking // Less complaining

What do I most fear in 2014? My biggest fear is that I won't change at all this year; that I'll continue with bad habits and negative thinking.

What am I most excited about in 2014? The possibility of really conquering my negativity is most exciting to me. Living with a more positive attitude will have such a far-reaching effect, not just for me but for the way I treat my family. I know that my negativity has leached out in hurtful ways and it's probably caused Rupert to worry about me sometimes.

Intentions ::
mental :: Positivity. Positivity. Positivity! Not letting the things that are out of my control bring me down. Focus on what I can change/affect and not sweat the small stuff. 
physical :: Move as much as possible, whether it's a 10-minute walk, yoga, or something more intense. Work my way up to running a 5K again. The important thing is that I feel good in my body, regardless of weight.
emotional :: Taking a moment to take a breath before I speak or let my emotions get the better of me. I really want to show my kids (and Rupert) more love. Be cognizant of my moods so I don't let them steer me in the wrong direction.
creative :: Get back into scrapbooking via Project Life and complete some sewing projects (like basic window treatments and cushion covers). Regain the joy in creating something with my own hands.  

One Little Word 2014

My favorite scrapbooker, Ali Edwards, has been leading a year-long workshop called One Little Word (OLW) for several years now. The premise of the project is to choose a word in January that will help guide you through the year, whether it's towards self-improvement or to encourage you through a year that might be difficult. From Ali's blog:

Having a single word to focus on each year has made a difference in my life.

In 2006 I began a tradition of choosing one word for myself each January – a word that I can focus on, mediate on, and reflect upon as I go about my daily life. My words have included play, peace, vitality, nurture, story, light, up and open. These words have each become a part of my life in one way or another. They’ve been imbedded into who I am, and into who I’m becoming. They’ve been what I’ve needed (and didn’t know I needed). They’ve helped me to breathe deeper, to see clearer, and to grow.

What do you do with this one little word?

You live with it. You invite it into you life. You let it speak to you. You might even follow where it leads. There are so many possibilities.

Each January, when she blogs about her word, I think about choosing one too. And, in typical fashion, I don't follow-through and I muddle along for the rest of the year with no guiding principle to help me become a better Me.

2014 is going to be different, my friends. My plan is to find ways to hold myself accountable. So I signed up for the workshop, and I thought about my word and what I want my life in 2014 to be like (or not be like). A lot of the pain I bring upon myself comes from my inability to let things go. I dwell on the past. I focus on the negative. I worry. I know all of these things prevent me from enjoying the Now and just plain being happy. 

I seriously considered choosing "Let It Go" as my word, but if I could change my personality and just let things go, I would've done it a long time ago. Fundamentally re-tweaking the way your mind works and how it deals with things is a process, a long one at that. I feel like choosing "Let It Go" as my OLW would've set me up for failure. I needed to start off with baby steps, and to take this life change one day at a time. In the end, although it's a bit counter-intuitive, I decided on a word that's not a verb: TODAY. 

When I wake up in the morning I can ready myself to deal with one day. When I go to bed at night, I can rest assured that I either made a positive step toward my goal, or I can start over the next morning if I've had a bad day. TODAY is manageable. And that's what I need: realistic expectations based on my past actions, incremental change, and permission to mess up sometimes.

Let's see how this goes, shall we?