she stole my line!

have you seen this? apparently it's been around on the mommy blogosphere as of late, but i just found it through a usa today article.

i read helen kirwan-taylor's column, and although i don't agree with some of her choice of words, i totally understand what she's saying. as if you couldn't tell, i'm not one of those moms who is child-centric. far from it, in fact. case in point, as i'm writing this the kids are playing by themselves. (yesterday, when i started this post, ian was doing geography work on his own and maya was crying in her crib.)

sometimes i feel horribly guilty that i'm not a super-mom and my children are not always the center of my universe. when i go to mommy-and-me class with maya i see the other moms dote on their offspring, and talk about their days' activities as if they do nothing but play/feed/bathe/read/talk to their child. and then i think about my children who spend a great deal of time on their own and i feel bad.

why in the world did i have children if i can't devote myself to them?

then i come to my senses and wonder: why should i second-guess myself? moms in general have it rough already. there's no reason i should put myself down as a mother; i do my best, i try hard, and i'm constantly thinking about how to raise my children to be good human beings. regardless of what others think or what other moms do, this is my parenting style. i don't love my children any less than other parents. ian and maya know that i love them, and i know they love me. doesn't that mean i'm doing my job?

what the columnist said in the usa today article really caught my eye ... because it's as if i said it:

"i'm not a bad mother. i call myself a 'good enough' mother. i feed them. i'm nice to them. i cuddle them. i love them."

however unpopular this opinion may be, i think over-parenting and being child-centric does have an impact on what kind of person a child grows up to be. it also takes a toll on the mother. i may be their mama, but ian and maya need to know that i'm also a wife, a daughter, a friend, a sister, and my own person. having these roles means that i can't always be hovering around them. sometimes i'll have to miss a soccer game. a lot of times they'll have to play by themselves. sometimes they won't get to go out to dinner with me and rupert. and that's okay. they'll survive. not only will they survive, but if i've raised them right, they'll thrive when i'm not around.

i'll never win "mother of the year" but i'm not ashamed of the parent i am. and as i sit here typing away, doing my own thing, i look over and see my kids being content individuals, i know i'm doing a fairly decent job being a good enough mother.