10.19.2005

what exactly are my priorities?

i'm not exactly sure at the moment. i think, maybe because i'm getting a bit anxious about the baby coming, my mind is totally frazzled. i should be worried that the baby's room is not ready and probably has to be painted. i should be worried that i haven't washed the baby's clothes yet or bought any diapers. i should be worried that i'm not totally packed for the hospital.

instead, i'm worried that i haven't finished embroidering the initial on the girl's birdie applique. i'm worried that i won't finish the chick & hen applique i'm making for the boy. i'm worried that i haven't started prepping the girl's birth announcements (some of you may not know but, as a side business, i make stationery).

i guess my nesting instincts are more about crafting than actually preparing for the baby.

JR and i were chatting before bed the other night about what special things we can do for the boy after the baby is born. we're kinda concerned about him feeling neglected/left out, especially since his 5th birthday is coming up in mid-november. we don't want that special occasion to be eclipsed by the girl's birth. as it is, JR already feels like he's doing more for the girl than the boy because he has to spend so much of the weekend preparing for the baby instead of playing ball with the boy. while JR's toiling away in the garage and moving furniture, the boy is often playing soccer or football in the backyard by himself. i think it hurts JR that he can't spend what little time he has on the weekend with his son.

i feel the same way. i feel wrong, after all these years of having just the boy, doing things for the girl first. and i don't want to make something for the girl without making something for the boy. i don't want to buy tons of cutsie baby clothes for the girl when the boy actually needs new clothes for the winter.

and, although i want things to be balanced and fair, i know that in reality it's not going to be that way for awhile. the girl is going to require much more attention in the beginning and the boy is going to suffer the consequences. i just don't want my "first baby" to feel like we don't love him or that he's not special to us, because he is soooo special to us.

so, a question to all those parents with more than one kid: what do you do to make all of your children feel like they have a special place in the family?

5 comments:

hellomelissa said...

my ONLY concern was for my 2 year old firstborn son when i was going in to have our daughter. believe it or not, i tipped the scales in his favor for several months as she turned out to be an easy baby. i think you'll find that it will all work itself out, especially if you create "dates" with only your son, and have someone else take the baby. also, i bet he'll love her more than you think. not only are you giving birth to a daughter, you're creating a sibling relationship that requires nurturing and management.

good luck and HAVE FUN!

hobokener said...

Maybe the grandparents can chip in for some extra boy attention? Just an idea.

yucaree said...

thanks for the good advice, hellomelissa and hobokener!

i hope the girl will be an easy baby, just like the boy was, so it'll be easier to make time for just the boy.

and, luckily, the boy has a standing playdate each friday with his paternal grandparents. that should continue along with getting spoiled by them all on his own! (and you know how grandpas are: they don't show much interest in the grandkid until they start talking and actually playing -- that'll be in the boy's favor for awhile.)

grudge girl said...

Oh my goodness. Yucaree! Look at what I posted about today.

We are eerie twins.

The hair on my arms is standing up!

Fear your year-from-now future. Heh.

The truth is, it matters very little how hard you try to accomodate the boy, and how wonderful you are as parents. I know this, because Andy and I are wonderful parents, and we are trying VERY hard to prove to Simon that he is as important to us as he ever was. But he's still suffering.

Children come to terms with new siblings in their own darn ways. You have to be consistent through any rough patches, I guess, so that at the exact moment they emerge from under their psychic dark cloud, you'll be there with loving care and attention.

Not that it's not draining. It IS! But it's worth it. Eventually they realize how hard you're trying.

yucaree said...

grudge girl:

thanks for the honesty. i think i needed to hear that no matter what i do, it's not going to be easy for me, JR or the boy. but it will eventually work out as long as we continue to show the boy our love.

i guess i'm just an emotional wreck right now!